Go Climb a Tree

I was browsing through the infamous Wal-Mart the other day when lo and behold I stumbled across a Kid’s CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit. Wow. All I can say is my jaw dropped so fast I tore a ligament. Has anyone on the face of this retarded planet ever once stopped to question what the hell we are teaching our children with toys like these? Consider this argument: violence in movies and video games make children more aggressive. Sure maybe it does, maybe it doesn’t that point can be argued however you like, however,my point is that you can’t pick and choose. You all want to have your cake and eat it too. If video game violence makes our children more aggressive and more likely to be violent, then shouldn’t it stand to reason that if your child plays with a toy like this that they will accept murder as an eventuality and a fairly common occurrence? Sure, that may be the case but think about what it says: murder is so common that they have murder related toys for children so murder isn’t that bad. Why are people not speaking out about this? Why are people even letting their children watch CSI? Children should not be watching television shows like this and in my personal opinion anyone who allows their child to watch a TV show that involves murder, arson and rape, to name a few, shouldn’t have a problem with them playing the all demonic Grand Theft Auto. The entire premise of this toy is death and murder which, if toy companies have their way, will be instilled and ground into the subconscious of our children at a very young age. This is psychologically conditioning the child to be less empathetic towards victims. It is encouraging the erasure of the horror of murder. Once the negative emotions have been dissociated from murder and death it becomes a moral speck of dust and insignificant so why not murder even more? It snuffs out the reason not to.

You parents out there are so hypocritical I can’t even comprehend it. How on earth can you say, “now don’t hit your sister, Timmy, or you can’t play with your corpse’s face”? What is next? The Forensic Rape Kit with realistic Sperm and Pubic Hair Samples? Remember when Mr. Potato Head was enough? In today’s world it would be the Mr. Detect Rape From Vaginal Tears Head. I suppose now you might say, oh well that is terrible I would never let my kid play with that.

Let us compare the “CSI: Forensic Facial Reconstruction Kit” to Mr. Potato Head.

Maybe seeing them side by side will show you the subtle differences, maybe not. Harmless and jovial Potato Man on the left, decaying, bug-eyed corpse face on the right with tendrils of flesh laying next to it.

If my child ever asked me for a Facial Reconstruction Kit I would say “no, go climb a tree,” I would rather my child play with rocks and sticks than this. Children are way too spoiled these days and I say enough is enough. No more of this pampering and sitting around trying to find “better” toys for them. Parents, stop buying so many toys and start interacting with your children more. Don’t let them watch so much TV, and certainly don’t let them watch shows that are about murder and death.

There are a lot worse toys out there than this one. But I personally think this one has taken toys to a new perspective. All the G.I. Joe series toys teach young boys to be infatuated with guns and killing and growing up to be in the military.

Take for instance this brainwashing propaganda. Mall Madness is a game in which the object of the goal is to be the first person to buy six items and get to their destination to win. The game is filled with bonuses like clearances and “all-out retail madness”. This game is specifically targeted to YOUR daughters, to all the young girls in this world. And what is its message? Spend as much money as you can. Spending money is fun. This totally robs the child of any sort of parental guidance you’ve given them towards the value of saving money and respecting and planning for the future. This worthless game teaches our girls to become obsessed with vanity and money.

The sounds of mass sponsorship of legal murder, vanity, materialism, death, obsession, money and so much more is reaching the ears of our children, our future. I say we need to take more issue with this and cut that loudspeaker off. If you parents want to raise less violent and vain children then you need to quit focusing on “evil video games” and include all toys, television shows, and music into that watchful eye of yours. Stop focusing so much on one thing. Watch your own language and actions, remove things that are suggestive, and teach your kids how to love. Because remember that every child that grows up learns how to act and how to treat others from you. Stop filling their heads with things that shouldn’t be there. Tell your kids to go climb some trees.

Pretty Boys 0, Ryan 1

I hate pretty boys. I hate them with all my heart and soul. I can not tolerate their presence. I feel as if every nanosecond I am near one some sort of cancerous propaganda-filled package of thought will ooze from them and infect me with all the malady of a thousand mind-lepers. I hate them. I cringe in anguish as I think about the agony of having to communicate with them for any reason because I feel like I have been temporarily lobotomized. They have such a microscopic, sex-obsessed brain that is superfluous with testosterone and every ego-inflating mental device known to man. Every time I speak or try to extend a hand of friendship I am always cut off or interrupted with some infinitely more important bullshit.

“Oh she’s hot, I dated her, yeah my car is real expensive, I only dress in Abercrombe and Fitch, I’m the best at this, I’m the best at that, I’m better than you, I’m awesome at basketball, I’m awesome at all the ‘cool’ video games and those are the only ones I play, I was the best football player on my team, what team do you support? What you don’t like sports? What’s wrong with you? Aren’t you a man?”

Well I say no more. I say you need to take a step back from your increasingly infinitesimal world and learn something mentally stimulating. Care about something else. Ponder the essence of life, learn some philosophy. These are not bad things so why do you turn your nose at them? Is it not people like me, people who sit and learn about things for no reason but curiosity, the ones who propel humanity into the future? Is it not people like me, the smart ones, who give you the “hip” things like iPods and better cars that you so desperately and addictively brag about? You are the dirty fucking cancer of man’s mind and I hate you. You are a useless and problematic lead weight on the ankle of the collective intellect of humans. You are nothing and therefore deserve nothing until the day you awaken from your narrow, smug and petty ways of thinking. You annoy me and I hope/pray to God, Mother Nature, Father Time, Karma, and/or the Cosmos that some sort of Universal Pruning Act of Ryan’s Steaming 2005 will suddenly kick into effect and send giant thumbs to snuff you out of existence forever and ever amen. Why the hell didn’t your mother eat you when you were young? Defect.